(This post is from my series called “My thoughts on singleness (a series. . .)“. To read an overview of the series and for other posts in this series, please click here.)
As we walked through a park in an unfamiliar city, it was a clear day. She jumped right into what was on her mind. “I don’t know what the deal is. I have prayed to have the same feelings for you that you have for me. I really care for you and want to love you, but I just don’t.” Just like that, our relationship was over.
She had been the girl of my dreams, as we had dated on and off for four years. I couldn’t image a future without her in my life. My heart felt like pins were being jabbed into my chest. My breathing literally changed. I became light headed.
What she did not know was the prayer I had consistently echoed for the four years of our friendship. “Lord, I’m so crazy about this girl that I can’t think straight. I want to be with her. However, if this is not your will for us, please don’t let her have the same feelings for me. ”
My heart was broken by her rejection. However, even as we walked in that park, it was as if the Lord was whispering in my ear, “I am sovereign. I am good. I see you, I love you, and I am in control. You have prayed for this. Now trust me with the outcome.”
There have been other similar blows in my life. Similar, yet even more painful heartbreaks than the one I had experienced that day in the park. The sudden death of my best friend and roommate. Two more rough breakups. My Mom dealing with cancer, twice.
This doesn’t even account for the reality of the day in, day out stresses of life. Being a single male living in Asia for 10 years now, there have been many times when life in America just seems to leave me out or behind.
I am not alone in this. We all have our stories. We all have our pain and disappointment and failure and sin. All of us.
I started this post with the breakup story, because I learned a vital lesson that day which has carried me in life. Even when my heart is broken, even when the pains of life seem overwhelming and the future looks like a vortex of darkness, I can trust in God. I can choose to fix my heart on the reality of who God is and not on what I am feeling at the moment.
Reality is that God is always in control and always with me. God is good and is always good. He only has my best interest at heart, even when it has painful effects. He doesn’t change, even as my circumstances in life seem to be a never ending cycle of shifts, turns, and intermittent chaos. God is sovereign, loving, present, and good.
God is sovereign – This means that He is over all things and ultimately in control of all of life. He DOES sweat the details, but within the context of His perfection in all things. There is nothing that happens outside of His knowledge and beyond the ability of His power. As I was certain in that first major breakup I mentioned at the top of this article, God is truly sovereign in all things. . . heartbreak and all.
God is love – God only acts and responds in the perfection of His love towards us in all things. The Bible is clear on this. There is never a time when He is capricious, random, or hateful. He is love and only sees us through the eyes of love. The cross proved once and for all that God brings ultimate good out of pain and even suffering. Nothing is beyond His love, even the sin and vengefulness of others.
God is present – God was with me in the park that day of my heart break. He is here with me as I type this in the lobby of an Asian hotel. He is there as we lay down at night and oversees our sleeping. He is there as we awake and move into each day, no matter what that day holds. He will never leave nor forsake us.
God is good – In and through all of life’s vicissitudes, we can be confident that God is good. Paul was emphatic in saying “and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good”. Even the brutal pain and disappointments of this present age will eventually be seen in the light of God’s goodness and mercy towards us.
Life in Asia can be taxing. Singleness is not always easy, as is also the case with marriage. However, it is in this that we can cling, in good times and in bad, to the certain perfect attributes of our God.
Heartbreaks will come. However, God is always good and we can trust in His graciousness, presence, and control in all of life.
(For the next article in the series, please go to Times when I hate being single!)
All hats to you, or, better said, to your God!
Your words are so True & Encouraging. Philip had a note in margin of his Bible on Phillipians 4:12 Philip wrote Paul had learned to be content, it wasn’t natural for him, He learned how to be content. “I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of contentment in every situation,whether it be a full stomach or hunger, plenty or want.” from Living Bible. I am still learning to be content but as You wrote JESUS is always with us & HE is enough. HUGS (((((
Strength for today & Bright Hope for tomorrow, GREAT is His Faithfulness
Thanks for your thoughts here, Mrs. Clarke. . . hope you are well!
I really like how you dwell of the character of God and how that shapes how he relates to us. I often reject the contentment I can have in Christ so that I can be discontent. I wonder why this is so hard for me?
Trent, it is so easy to forget in the heat of the moment. Thanks for your comments!
John,
You write with such a good, honest and open heart about your being single. You bring us into your life and walk the path with you.
God is Sovereign, God is Loving, God is Present, and God is Good. All topics you spoke of was interesting and heartfelt. Again I loved reading of your life in Asia and your strong belief in Jesus, who is always with us. Hugs to you, my friend!
Oh John, I was feeling your heartache as I read your post this morning! It’s scary to pray “Lord, I really want ____________” BUT YOUR WILL be done.” I’ve prayed that same prayer in a situation similar to yours and the only thing that helped ease the shock of the pain that followed was knowing, like you said, that God is GOOD, He is LOVING, He’s knows what is best…ALWAYS. The more we walk in those truths EVERY DAY the *easier* (still not always easy!) dealing with disappointment becomes. God is with us, He is for us, He is IN US! We are never alone, no matter what comes our way. Thank you for sharing your story. What an encouragement!
Thanks for your additions here and for your enthusiasm. . . hope you are having a great day!
Hope you won’t mind a person outside your circle continuing to jump in on your posts. Although you mention your heartaches, continue thoughts on your ‘singleness’ (Although let me encourage you as one whom you don’t know… you are definitely not single, John. The people following your post have an obvious affection for you and are fully committed to who you are and what you are doing in your life.), you spend the majority of your words in declaring who God is! I can think of no greater encouragement as believer than to know of our God. It’s good to be challenged to think about who God is through the ups and downs of this life. It’s interesting. As much as the blog is about you… it doesn’t seem to be about you! Grace & peace…
Alexis, glad to have you contributing through comments. . . thanks a ton! I do agree, as I am blessed by many people who are friends. Have a great day!
Amen John and thanks for sharing this. Matters of the heart are deep. We fall in love with someone and suddenly can’t picture our lives without them…then they leave. For me, I think I can handle a physical hurt to my body better than I would a broken heart. I know I have prayed severally for Gods will for my life and when He showed me, I couldn’t handle it. In the midst of the pain and hurt it is always hard processing Gods goodness, sovereignty, loving-ness etc until later on. I wrote a post on a friend’s blog sometime back touching a little on my heartbreaks. You can check it here—> http://njenvasramblings.wordpress.com/2012/09/11/iwavyou/
Reality is as you have stated above. God is good, He is present, He is sovereign, He is loving even when we are not feeling it, even in our greatest disappointments and hurts…when our loved ones are going through tough times. He remains God and is aware of all that. I have learnt to speak the word of God into my situation. When a relationship I had high hopes for goes the other way, I remind myself that God has great plans for me, He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me, He has plans to give me hope and a future and if this is not IT then there must be something better…so I wait. Of course my patience has been tried and tested and I have lost it several times but it doesn’t change God and does not compel Him to act quickly on my issues…so again, I wait. :). Life is easier when in our situations we look at Gods attributes that you have clearly stated above and smile knowing that He has not changed.
Your blog posts are always encouraging.
Great, great input. . . love seeing your thoughts on this, Tatuu. I just saved the article you referenced and look forward to reading this week, as I am too tired right now (it’s night where I am).
The picture was taken by a friend of mine, Travis Todd, while we were together in Istanbul. Though I took the same picture with my camera, his turned out a lot better. He’s a much better photographer than I am.
Thanks again for your thoughts here. . . very encouraging and good reading!
Glad you’re encouraged by my comment as I am encouraged by your post. Tell Travis he is a good photographer. As for your photography, you try, apart from when you are taking a picture of whales.
I forgot to mention, I like the sunset picture above, did you take it?
Good stuff, John. You should turn this into a book someday. You are right to say that everyone has disappointments, and that has helped remind me that life isn’t always greener on the other side. Whether it’s being single longer than expected, or learning that your spouse isn’t who you thought they were, or struggling with infertility, or having a prodigal child, or losing your mate or your job or your child. We must remember that God is good and trust Him.
Thanks, Lisa! Great points on areas of difficulty. Though clique, it is true. We do always buy into that “grass is always greener” mentality in all of life. Thanks and great hearing from you!
I know it’s hard… but we are thankful for your faith and trust in God’s goodness no matter where you are. Thankful to have you in our lives as a dear friend!
Thanks Beth. . . can’t imagine living where we do without you and Michael. Can’t wait to meet Baby Gregory!
Hi John. Katie (Galloway) Newman here. Just reading this today, Feb.9th, and am so encouraged. Need to print this out and preach it to my heart every day. thank you. My sister Sara told me about your blog. Have gotten to read a little and can’t wait for more. appreciate your honesty…and your heart fixed on Him! 🙂
Hey Katie. . . it’s been forever! Hope you are well. Thanks for reading and responding to my blog! It’s been a fun addition to my life here in Asia. Been nice processing life, trying to become a better writer, and connecting with folks through this venue. I see your sister and brother-in-law pretty regularly, so I’ve been able to keep up with you from afar.
Thanks again for this comment!
Wow! I read this peace and it left me breathless. Such a great brokenness and such a great encouragement. It truly touched my heart! This is so amazing how God is so close and so clear in the darkest hour! He is our light in the darkness.
“Rejoice not over me, O my enemy;
when I fall, I shall rise;
when I sit in darkness,
the Lord will be a light to me.” (Micah 7:8)
This post relates for me with the Chris Tomlin’s song “This is our God” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwfHkZOU1_o)
This story in the beginning brings me memories of a certain day and season in my life. I had hopes for the future connected to certain man and in one evening all this broke down and i could not sleep the whole night and when i went to work next morning i suddenly thought, that i’m still happier than never before (despite of what had happened), because i was living in God’s plan and i felt God’s purpose in my life stronger than never before.
I think it requires a humble heart to take these situations and not be offended with God (I’ve been offended with God so many times, unfortunately and wanted to turn my back on Him. His grace has been so great, He has not let me to). Your humility is a great example, as well as your great hunger for God and desire to follow Him no matter what. “And blessed is the one who is not offended by me” (Luke 7:23)
And finally, i believe, your story and most of all your attitude is a great encouragement for many:
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (2 Corinthians 1: 3-4)
Great thoughts, Ave!
I really appreciate all of your kind words to me, though I do not be worthy of most of them. Thanks for adding your thoughts and experience here. It is very encouraging to read and see the Lord’s work through your experience in this area.
Nicely said!
Thanks Ali!
Hi John. I am going through break up right now and was browsing through the net to find some tips for christian break up recovery. Break up can be brutal, well mine was. I feel like i am dying everyday. The pain is real and although i haven’t lost my faith that God is good, at the moment i really can’t see the goodness in this suffering. I have prayed for God to take this love away from my heart soon after break up (8 months ago) but till now i still love my ex deeply. I have no idea why won’t God grant me my request. I live overseas, and that doesn’t help my situation at all since i am faraway from my beloved ones. I’ve never felt so isolated in my life like now. What i need right now is to read some christian testimonies in getting over and thriving after break up. God bless.
Hey! I am so sorry and pained reading of your pain you are current laboring in regarding this breakup.
It would be great to hear of testimonies where people have seen God’s sovereignty in the midst of the pain of breakups. In addition to the one I outlined in this article, I have been through 2 additional painful breakups. In all 3 I really can see God’s hand and goodness in the these. However, out of respect for the two other women, I am refrained from writing about them.
Thanks for your comments here. I am praying for God’s presence with you tonight.
John,
Thank you so much for sharing this! I happened upon your blog via the post on A Life Overseas…and then somehow read this particular post. But what a powerful message! It happens to be one that I have been walking through this last year and through it all, I have learned that God is good even in the pain of heartbreak. Thank you for sharing your thoughts regarding this…I appreciate it!
Thanks summer! Wow, this stuff really is powerful, but painful at the same time.
I’m praying for you as I type that you will continue to see Jesus in the midst of the pain.
I stumbled across your blog when in the midst of a huge pity party (thankfully rare). God has put me through tremendous trials the past 6 years to prepare me for the influence I currently have. This has allowed me more opportunities to share about my faith and demonstrate what it means to be a Christian in a very secular work environment than at any other time in my life.
I’ve seen His hand move me and shape me but my focus had begun to slip and I started dwelling on “when it would be my turn” and “I’m faithful, others around me aren’t but they always get what I want”. There were some pretty disappointing circumstances that led to this line of thinking – all of which caused me to question God’s kindness as I know He is fully capable of getting me married. Thanks for reminding me of what I already know.
I hope it is in God’s plan for you to give you an incredible wife but know He has used you in my life to put my focus back to where it should be.
Jolene, thank you so much for taking the time to write this note. . . it really means a lot to me. Very encouraging.
Praying for you today, for a rich manifestation of His grace and joy.
Have a great week!
Agreed…and well said….
Carmen
God, in all His sovereignty, led me to read this today in a very awesome way. Every single word spoke to my heart in ways that I needed, but haven’t even fully articulated. Thanks for allowing God to speak through you, even years after the fact. I’m kinda in awe right now!
Loryn, thank you for your letting me know your read and enjoyed this article. Very encouraging. God bless!